I don't think I play the victim card at all. When I was younger, I was an attention seeking liar (and by younger, I mean a teenager). I know what that is like and I don't seek to be anything like that at all. I don't know that I know that disaster will result in my not taking my meds necessicarily as (I do go back and forth with this), like I mentioned, I thrived for years med free (and that is after I had been diagnosed and experienced hell from the illness). I am NEVER entirely convinced that I need meds and there are plenty of people with severe bipolar disorder who function outside of meds. I never said "you didn't really know me," I said you didn't know me outside of here. I'm certain we are multilayered individuals who come across entirely different online than we do in our every day lives at times. For instance, one thing many of you wouldn't necessicarily know about me that my family knows is that I am a HIGHLY anxious person and I tend to overreact to my emotions and think that every little thing I do fits into an episode. Often times I will come across on here much worse than I actually am because I perceive the situation worse than it actually is. My husband can talk me down in minutes from things that will on here spark all kinds of dramatic responses (the same for my therapist and pdoc, btw). It has happened more times than once. That is just because he knows me much better and much differently than all of you. The same is for my mom, sister, and best friend. Laurabeth, you are clearly entitled to you anger but I think it may be misguided. Also, like I said before, because of the high involvement of my support team, it is rare that I go beyond missing doses. My husband would, as mentioned, take over my meds before allowing me to come off of them as he is strongly opposed to it. I am very open and honest with him and with all of my support team, telling them everything from when I am explicitly suicidal to when I fear my thoughts may be becoming delusional. I have an extrordinary blanket of safety, support, and realism that comes from my family and best friend. I was entirely in control of my life, everything from homeschooling my then kindergarder and two other kindergardners, to running my household and finances, prior to my psychotic break; "victim" was the farthest thing from my mind. Any "victim card" I have today is a card dealt to my by a sickening illness.