My problem is not depression. The last time I felt really deppressed was almost 4 years ago. My problem is that these depressive episodes have rendered me nearly incapable of feeling emotions and therefore, deprived me of a part of my cognitive abilities (it is harder to imagine things etc.) as well as a major component of what makes life enjoyable -

When I was a kid/early teen I had a sharp mind, and even though I always disliked school I was always in the top 5 of the smartest students in the class. Now I am am a shadow of what I could've become, can do nothing about it and I will probably remain that way forever or at least fot the next 2-3 decades until efficient brain engineering is developed.