Hi,

I agree that nothing you said seems fake at all. I've been fortunate to find a fantastic gender therapist and I highly recommend therapy. Here's a few thoughts that I hope help you or anyone else.

As was said above, you are the expert and who you are. If that means one day you want to present male while enjoying typically "feminine" things, then do it. And if the next day or even a few hours later, if you want to present femme while doing typically "masculine" things, that's okay too. Gender does not have to be fixed, nor does how you identify, nor what your personality is like. You can certainly identify as male and present as male, but still express your joy in both so-called "masculine" and "feminine" interests. It's not about the things you do or the things you like so much as it is about how you best enjoy these things, i.e. as male, female, or otherwise. I enjoy shooting guns once in a while, but don't treat me like a "brother-at-arms".

Also, I've been urged to focus less on transitioning or defining myself in a particular way and more on what actually makes me happy. That is difficult when we've all been so hammered with social expectations. It requires an open mind and a willingness to experiment-- to test things out and see how it feels. I, for one, love being femme, dressing femme, presenting femme, but I rarely wear makeup, make little effort to change my voice, don't really care if I have shaved pits or a bit of facial hair. Still, I AM femme, regardless of what I am doing, what I am wearing or how others see me.

Lastly, if you don't already have some friends or family that can support you and interact with you as you prefer, then seeking a community is so extremely helpful. Online communities are great and where so many people start exploring. But definitely try to build in-person social opportunities where you can present however the heck you want. I found that once I was able to be myself around others who were accepting, I felt less and less like I was pretending and my sense of self became more secure.

I hope this helps. I am fortunate to live in a liberal-minded community where there are all sorts of gender identities that don't conform to social norms. What you have described would be totally accepted as normal and this acceptance helps us become the people we know ourselves to be.