Quote:
Originally Posted by caram1001
Hi everyone, hope everyone is doing well. I apologise for the long post but I would really really appreciate anything.
I'm going to ask for advice/information in regards to my sister.
My sister is 32 and unfortunately has not had an easy life in terms of self-esteem and confidence. Looking back, I think she has had depression since early 20's but she has never been too bad. As children, we were rarely allowed to go out and socialise (daytime was fine but not night time) so as we got older, we missed out on a lot of socialising (and in turn being confident with other people). My parents used to argue sometimes and for some reason this has really affected my sister, and whenever they would start to argue she would have panic attacks. When she got married, everything was fine but things with her in-laws became really bad and they really made her life difficult and her husband never stood up for her or acknowledged what his parents were like towards her. About a year into the marriage, they moved out and his parents were never happy with it and from then they rarely spoke to her and really made her feel bad. They are now divorced but even though they had a lot of problems, it came as a shock as my sister and husband talked about things and he said he would go and talk to his parents but they next day, he took all his things and left. He has always been a weak person when it came to his parents, as they rely on him a lot and he was never able to stand up to them. Anyway, as the divorce was going on my sister has a few moments where she was really really stressed and something happened to her. She would be sitting there and almost become child-like and not really understand what was going on and be really confused. I personally think it was her body's way of helping her cope - a coping mechanism (I think regression). After a few mins, it is like she just realised everything that had happened and would be sobbing uncontrollably and be so scared, almost like a panic attack. At that time she kept screaming and tried to take her wedding ring off and was just inconsolable. Then it would be like her energy just went and she would just slump.
While the divorce was going on, she stayed in the marital home while the husband went back to his parents. She seemed to be fine having her own place and she dealt with things well and joined yoga classes etc and actually developed a social life. It's been a year since the divorce started and she has now had to move back in with our parents (since the marital home was under the husbands name). And since then I think she has become worse, because to me it is like how when we were younger. My parents really worry about her because her moods are up and down but I feel she has a lot of anger towards my parents because of how they were when we were younger. Even though she in 32, she gets annoyed that she has to tell them where she is or gets worried if she wants to go out because then she will think my dad won't like it and then shout at my mum. A few days ago, I went over to my parents house and straight away I could tell she had been stressed all day. Later on she came in to a room where I was changing my sons nappy and I asked her if she was ok and she said she really wanted to go out with her friends and maybe stay the night and was dreading telling our parents. I felt like she just needed to get away so I later said to my mum that she is wanting to go and to just let her and not say anything (not that my mum says anything, but she'll want to know where/what time she'll be back) and my mum said thats fine so I went back to my sisters room and said that our mum was fine and she just said 'really?...I'm so confused' and she changed again and kinda zoned out. I said to her 'you are stressing out about this so much that it's getting to you, they said it's fine' and she just said 'whats wrong with me, have I got a mental illness'. And I said to her that we need to get her to talk to someone to figure out what it is that happens to her so we can understand and work to making her feel better. This time she zoned out and then back in and then said 'I'm feeling better now'...and I asked her to tell me what she feels when it's happening and she said it's like a dream but it's hard to explain. I personally believe there is something that she is battling. She used to be on medication for depression but stopped. At the moment she isn't really talking to anyone, I message her but don't hound her as that might make her push me away. My mum is really struggling with her and she is just scared for her, and she messages me each time my sister is not talking to them and always asks me to see whats wrong. I think having her own place would help a lot but financially it's difficult
At the moment, I am trying to:
-Find something to help my sister, maybe CBT
- Try and get my parents to back off a bit.
- Get my sister to communicate a bit more
- My grandmother (mum's mum) had a stroke back in december and is fully dependent on family (can't walk) so my mother is stressed with her and also my sister. So I'm trying to help with my sister so my mum has one less thing to worry about. My mother is in her 60's so I don't want anything to happen to her with all the stress.
I can't stop my parents for worrying - i think they are scared at this time that when she goes out she is vulnerable to other people because of the divorce and generally because she is kind of fragile minded. She overthinks and gets cautious and anxious over things.
So I think that's it, my main thoughts are regression and depersonalization but I'm not entirely sure if they define this situation or if they play a small part. Also, we were never abused as children, although our dad used to blame our mum for things and we were always worried to do things in case he shouted at our mum. E.g - our brother always used to go out and my dad didn't like it but would always blame our mum. So I suppose we were affected emotionally but my me, my brother and other sister are ok but this sister seems to have kept all that with her which she is aware of and asks why she is messed up.
Thank you for reading, I honestly appreciate any help.
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I see you are in the UK...well here in america what you posted would not be depersonalization. (you can read what america recognizes as dissociative disorders and their diagnostic criteria in my link at the bottom of my post)
I can also tell you that seeming to act\become younger can be any number of normal, mental and medical\physical problems here in america....
another thing i can tell you is that we do not diagnose each other and each others family or friends. what we do here is share a bit about ourselves and what we are going through. then those that may have something in common with what one posts will post back a reply about going through the same things and what our own treatment providers called it and what treatments we are on for ourselves.
heres an example of what we do here....
I see you said your sister seems to regress to being a child. when I did that my treatment providers called it many different things ...flashbacks (the reliving of memories or emotions), stress, anxiety, MS (multiple Sclerosis a physical health problem which caused my facial features to have uncontrollable tightness and loosening giving the appearance of how I was as different ages and caused me to sometimes not understand or be able to do things a normal person my age could do, sometimes my emotions are erratic) sometimes my treatment providers called it work stress, sleep deprivation depression, my bipolar disorder can sometimes make me appear childlike because during my depressive phase I isolate, sometimes cry,just want to curl up with a warm blanket and sleep or read....gosh there was so many things in my life that caused me to seem almost childlike in behavior and mentality even medications.
they did not call it depersonalization in me because here in america depersonalization is things like feeling numb spaced out, disconnected from yourself or your environment.. they did not call it DID in me because the diagnostics said nothing about appearing to be childlike.
I know someone with epilepsy (a physical health problem) that causes them to do what you posted, i know someone with cancer that has the same symptoms you posted....
there is a dissociative disorder called DID where a person has Alternate personalities but though people with DID do have alternate personalities that they switch into, childlike is not the only distinction with this kind of thing. theres more to being DID than suddenly appearing childlike. the type of alters with DID are a very special kind of alter and most are not the kind where suddenly as an adult those close to us would suddenly see us become childlike.
let me ask you something...if you saw someone smoking a cigarette every time they are with you for as long as you have known them, would you suddenly one day think their taking out a cigarette and smoking was strange behavior for them....of course not because thats how you have always known that person. if your sister had DID type alters, you would not be questioning her behavior and seeming to become a child now because thats how she would have been your whole life with her. (not diagnosing just making a point that having DID is usually not notice-able to those we have direct contact with all our lives and that theres more to being DID then just becoming childlike)
my suggestion is to not try to self diagnose your sister. only a medical doctor or a mental health treatmetn provider should ever try and diagnose whether someone has mental disorders or not...
let me show you why...
I knew someone who went online and asked others in a site like this one what their problems were called. they believed everyone when that person was told yes you have dissociation disorders. guess what. if that person had gone to a treatment provider instead of relying on the self diagnosis of others they would be alive today, the autopsy showed that person had operable cancer not a mental disorder.
please stop trying to diagnose and assume your sister is regressing or has a dissociative disorder. if this continues to bother you let your sister know you are concerned and leave it up to her and her treatment providers to diagnose and treat the problem. otherwise you could end up doing more harm then good to your sister even though you are just trying to help her. there are many different things this can be and not all are dissociation disorders.