hi D o a

I am sorry that your IBS is giving you such trouble. High levels of anxiety are known to have a really bad effect on the digestive system. So what I was wondering about was whether if you took a strong tranquilizer at that time, such as Xanax or something prescribed by the Dr. it would help. Keeping it for those times when you have to face really anxiety provoking situations would mean that you would get always the most help from it.
Also, people have found repeatedly rehearsing in their minds coping with difficult situations with ease has helped them in the actual situation itself because they have reacted to it calmly within as a kind of knee-jerk reaction.

Don't worry about crying. That is the natural way of dealing with sad and difficult situations and after a good cry people feel better. Have they given you any really good medication for dealing with the IBS? People wouldn't really notice you going to the bathroom or judge you either because for the most part they are totally wrapped up in their own affairs. So much so as not to be even aware of us.

Suicide is really not the answer, because it would really ruin the lives of your loved ones and friends who would never recover from the bad feelings and you really don't want to do that.

If you cannot talk about your feelings to the therapist would it be possible for you to write them out on the computer and print them and simply hand, it to the therapist? It is knowing about your feelings that enables them to give you the appropriate help.

A really good friend who knows about your IBS would not be at all put off by you going to the bathroom and who knows, you might feel really good and not go there at all. In any case you could come up with an excuse that you have eaten something that has given you the runs and that is quite a common experience with which people would be very sympathetic.

The fact that your dad wanted to get rid of you in no way means that other people would. In fact, a lot of other people might simply just want to love you for the good person you are. Reminding yourself of this would help, at those times. You are not an unwanted person because you have friends and they want you and that is because they see in you something they love and like. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis