thank you for your response.......but no, "hate" is not too strong a word for what i feel............i despise every time she comes into my life, no matter what the reason, becuz she only contacts me when she wants something ...........you are correct in that my hsb. and i were often at odds on how to raise her.......even when he agreed with me, when it actually came down to things, he preferred to hid his head in denial......since my daughter chooses not to work, but would rather mooch off of others, i, like you, feel she can learn to solve her own problems, even if it means moving into a shelter for a while.......her father can't handle it and always bails her out with money and "things".....whenever he visits her he has to give her money and merchandise and sees nothing wrong with this...........most of the time my husband is a good guy and reasonable person....but when it comes to this child (and not with any of the other children) he turns to mush..........i think it is because we adopted her when she was 2 and he has always bought into the "poor little orphan child" nonsense (i, too, am adopted and have worked with many adult adoptees, birth parents and social agencies, so i do have some awareness of the whole adoption triangle issue/s)