Dear Pdoc

It's raining outside. And there's some thunder. I wish I could be with you. I wish I could sit next to you on the couch. Your arm around me. And just watch some tv together. Talk a little bit.

I don't want these feelings. I don't want to long for you. I know I can never be with you. I don't want to long for something I'll never have or experience. I won't ever have someone who I will love and who will love me. I know I'll always be alone (unless I would settle for someone I'm not interested in, but I don't want that). These feelings, this longing, it's hurting me. It makes me so sad. I want those feelings gone.

I'm feeling so lonely. You would think that after so many years alone and never have known the love and touch of a guy, that I would be used to that. I wish I didn't long for love and touch and everything. But I do. And it hurts, knowing that I won't ever feel that.