vjdragonfly
you need to think about safety first regardless of what he is going through. doesn't make him a bad guy - just means that you do not know what's ahead & if you will be hurt.

• 20 years of marriage is a long time + job issues + childhood issues. this is his LIFE & suddenly something very wrong is rearing its ugly head ..

• you may have to talk with someone who can advise you properly. Can your Church help you? Or are there support groups nearby?

• try to get active as well - start making friends, hobbies, anything. community centre, Y .. whatever is less costly or FREE .

The break from the ('his') growing 'darkness' will help you to cope a bit better. Being immersed in it ALL the time as it worsens will not help you or your spouse. Walk ...anything. grab a coffee somewhere - the distractions are necessary.

I have no job or $$ either & went through some rough times recently. He's gone now but activity of all kinds helped me. I would have gone out of my mind. I made some friends but 'spoke' online re the personal stuff. There are still depressing times for me but getting out helps, doing something else helps.

Get your social networks going for now- they will be your life line if he is unable to resolve his pain. You need something to take you out of the situation for the good of BOTH of you. 'Distractions'.

On a good note, he hasn't directed blame toward YOU
if an 'episode' is developing, leave him ALONE to give it expression, until he calms down.

I hope you can find a professional to discuss your situation soon. You may have to consider telling the family at some point if you don't.

Thinking of you.