<font color="red"> this post includes some fairly graphic self injury descriptions - please do not read any further if you are upset by self injury!! or if you are under 18 please do not read....</font>

i'm posting here....because it's really a female anatomy type question....i've never had sex....i know that typically the body will adapt on the inside for a man's part....and i don't think a woman's insides can get hurt....

<font color="red"> warning!!! here's the self injury part </font>

i apologize if this is too offensive but i really need to know and i've got no one i can ask!!!!

along with cutting my breasts....i've been hurting myself down there...this is really humiliating!! i was hoping it'd be just a one or two time thing but i've been compelled to hurt down there for several days multiple times a day....

i'm putting something long & hard inside me....i can't help but want it to hurt....i'm getting NO pleasure from this....i push really hard until i really don't feel i can go any further in (about 4 1/2 inches)....but sometimes i'll push a little more...can i break through anything in there???

i push till it hurts....but do you think i would know if i go too far? maybe a small injury vs. accidentally pushing through and creating a huge emergency??

PLEASE, PLEASE forgive the vulgar nature of this post....but for now i can't seem to stop

(i am starting therapy to deal with my SI behavors and other stuff....)