Emotion mind and outburts
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I have this same exact problem. We borderlines tend to react quickly and intensely due to overactive amygdalas. Though we probably cannot prevent these rapidfire initial reactions, we can ***override*** them with a more appropriate response. And, if we practice overriding those reactions consistently, over time, we will get better and better and it will become second nature to us. Re-conditioning, basically.

Example - Your therapist cancels an appointment with you, one that you have been longing for all week because you're in love with your therapist and rely on her sessions for comfort and reassurance. Your initial reaction from the amygdala is to say "That b***h !!! I'm worth nothing to her. I don't need her.". Normally, you would pick up the phone and leave this nasty message, but what if you simply wait a few minutes or hours to do so ? The expression "sleep on it" can be generalized to apply here. Maybe after some time, you will realize that there are reasonable explanations why she would cancel, and that she doesn't deserve a nasty message from you. Also, that the nasty message will not help matters any, only make them worse.

This goes back to the topic of control. By losing your cool in response to her actions, you are giving her a remote control with buttons on it that say the following:

1- "Make HD furious (cancel appointment)"
2 - "Make HD overjoyed (extend appointment duration)"

YOU, and only YOU, decide how much that appointment means to you.

When faced with such a situation, try to ask yourself whether getting back at your therapist is more important than the quality of your mood.

Over time, I promise you ... these rational cognitive interventions will become second nature as the mind gets re-conditioned. It requires persistence.