Quote:
Originally Posted by AuroraBorealis75
What I really don't want to tell her is that it is starting to feel like a sexual attraction. There is no way I could ever tell her that. I would just die of shame. Even saying that it feels like a romantic attraction is bad enough. It makes me have to question my sexual identity, because I'm female too. It's terrifying to think that I might be gay (no offence against anyone who is). While I don't go to church anymore, I was raised in a very strict, conservative christian family, and there is so much judgement in my family, and I feel like that judgemental worldview is still clinging to me, digging its claws into me, even though i want to shake it off. No one in my family would understand. My therapist is straight, and married, and she is a christian, although I don't know where she stands on the issue. I just don't want her to think that when I've asked for hugs that I am coming on to her. I've been attracted to guys before, but (GASP!) I've never been in a relationship. I don't know if I ever will be able to be in a relationship, because I'm just so messed up about sex. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I could be attracted to females. I just haven't been able to admit it to myself because the ramifications are so frightening.
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Just because you're attracted to your T doesn't mean your gay. You say you could be attracted to females, have you ever been attracted to a female before? You have been attracted to guys. It's doesn't neccesarily mean that you're gay.
I have read some things on erotic transference and having erotic feelings for your T doesn't always mean that you want to have sex or something with them. I can't remember where I've read it. But erotic attraction to a T can often be that you miss something else, you missed something in you're childhood or something. Not always, but often. At least that what I've read on erotic transference.
It's best to talk to you're T about these feelings. I know it's hard. I've told my pdoc that I have romantic feelings for him. We didn't talk much about it. I think he could see that it was hard enough to just tell him that and that I probably wouldn't say much more about it. Or he didn't want to know more. I don't know if he thinks that romantic feelings also means that I have also erotic feelings for him.
But it seems that this is on your mind a lot and not talking about it probably won't help you. She can help you try to find out why you have these feelings.
If you're afraid that she won't accept this because she's a christian, maybe you can first ask her how she thinks about gays? Not all christians are against gays and she's a T. I'm not sure how it works in your country but here a T shouldn't express their thoughts about religion, sexuality and such.