Hi to all,
Just for a brief background, I've been treated for DID for four years with the help of an excellent therapist.
Shortly before that another doctor put me on Ativan. He gives me 45 tablets at a time whenever I call the pharmacy.
They used to help with anxiety but now they don't seem to help at all. But I can't stop taking them, Ive tried. I was down to 1/4 milligram at night but then crept up again in dosage.
I'm very, very sensitive to all medications, even OTC and small doses affect me more than the average person. But for some reason Atavan doesn't seem to affect me greatly.
A couple of weeks ago the anxiety was so bad that I overdosed by taking over 10 milligrams during one day. When I take a lot of it I feel very unanchored and paranoid, kind of like when someone drinks alchohol.
Lately, the anxiety is so bad at times that I've taken to grinding up the atavan and liquifiying it, then injecting.
I don't want to go into great detail on how I do this because it's embarrassing and I don't want to upset anyone.
Nighttime has become a nightmare. I'm taking large doses just to get to sleep and having a lot of trouble with memory.
I don't know if this is a drug problem or not. My therapist agreed to "hold on" to any extra atavan I have so I won't take too much. But I keep finding it stored away in my desk and in other hiding places.
Because of DID I think another personality is obtaining extra atavan but I'm not sure how.
This is so confusing and I'm not sure if I'm making a lot of sense. i go through the day in a fog most of the time.
Please, if someone could give insight I would be very grateful.

Rainbow