I'm a 17 year old female and ever since I can remember I have always felt uncomfortable around men.. I think I may have been molested as a child & I need some help to piece together & to know I'm not crazy.
I remember one night in a particular when I was 7 I was at a party with parents at their friends house. I remember there was so many people there, I remember what the house looked like, I remember playing with the other children. All this is weird cause most of my childhood memories seem to be blocked from my memory. I remember that night 3 things happening; a man standing over me angry, Her dad was the host of the party and he's the man I remember seeing being angry with me. I don't know what happened that night but that night is so vivid in my memory, something significant had to happen right? I talked to my cousin and he said that strangely that night is vivid to him too.
This was around time that I became very withdrawn & would be the time that my life started spiraling down hill. I'd find myself crying cause I honestly felt like men were always looking at me sexually. I remember from that young age wanting to look pretty for guys, older guys. I felt so dirty fm for this, I still do. This is very hard to talk about because I was raised in a christian home where none of this is acceptable. I was an outgoing kid until around this time.. Then I became isolated & fell into a deep depression. It was until a few years ago that I felt like something had happened when I was little to make me so depressed, that made me feel so dirty & scared. I started cutting and getting in trouble in school. I've seen therapists for my depression and I've been on medicine for it .. But I still feel lost. In trying to get to the root of my problems so I can finally heal and maybe one day be in a healthy relationship. I can't talk to my therapist about this because she's friends with my parents. It wasn't until a few months ago that all these memories started coming back. I can remember time and time again of being scared in front of guys. & I keep having nightmares of the angry mans face...

I won't say anything cause I don't want to accuse anybody.. Am I just trying to find something to blame on my fear of men & my depression ? Or do you think something actually could have happened?