Was deleted and now I've just re-added it ... sort of.

I have odd skin. Skin that gets itchy and has these little bumps. Which I occassionally scratch off. Not SI because it doesn't bleed and doesn't cause scars and really doesn't hurt. It just starts the urge.

Which then gets bad enough that I think about using my razor (I was in the washroom obviously trying to relax and having a shower) ... I manage to get out without doing something...

Now I'm at my computer and the swiss army knife is in the desk drawer. I could get something to eat since I've only eaten once today ... but then there's sharp pointy things there.

I've managed to get myself into a mess. Sad thing is that I'm not emotionally distraught so there's no reason to want to do it. I just want to.

152 days today. I'd flush it down the drain. I would in a heartbeat. I hate feeling emotionally distant. Maybe I should do it just to feel SOMETHING. Maybe I just want to see the blood. I don't know. I just want to.