1. I cut for the attention it gave me. Attention from doctors, therapist, nurses, family, what friends I had left. Bad attention was better than no attention at all.

1.It took me years to admit this, but once I did the true healing began. I hated that people told me I was attention seeking. It was true and thats why it hurt.

2. I liked being in the hospital. I did not have to deal with the stress of life. It was easier being in the hospital because I did not have to deal with problems at all. I was addicted to the hospital and I got attention there!

2. I started noticing that while I was in the hospital I wanted out and when I was out I wanted in. Everything that I did in the hospital I could do as outpaitent with support. Plus at home I can watch TV when I want, I can do coping skills that work for me that you can't do in the hospital do to saftey reasons. I utilized the partial hospitalization much. That way I was in the hospital only part of the day.

3. After not SI for months I started getting positive attention that was better than bad attention. It seemed like people started coming around more and offered more help. My mom was my biggest support. I could call her or show up at her door at 3 AM and she would make tea and talk. (After she got treatment for herself!) The better I did the more I wanted to do to show that I could be stable and self sufficent.

4. After a while of doing well I decided that if I can stay stable I would go back to school and do what I had to do to become a DBT counselor or work in a hospital with Self injurers. In short term hospitals they dont realy seem to understand what is behind SI. I am still working on the proving I am totally stable part. I will not do this until I am ready because you can't preach what you can't do yourself.

5. After being pretty stable for some time I met my husband, got married, and had my daughter. This give me even more reasons to stay stable.