Hi HelgaDE,
It's been 14 years this friday since my son died, and I still love and miss him so. My mom died 1 year before he did. I feel your pain. I've learned that grief is so personal and what you do to cope is personal too. I try to give myself permission to grieve, cry, ask God "why?", get angry, take off time for myself...whatever i need to do. After a while everyone goes on with thier lives. But Travis was/is my son, and your mom is your mom, so allow yourself to grieve in anyway that makes you feel better. As long as you don't hurt yourself physically. I will probally spend a day at the beach this week, just swimming and relaxing. do something good for yourself. I used to say, "as human beings, we are not wired to accept the loss of a love one throught death, so it never feels normal." It's taken so many years to allow myself some freedom to grieve. Give yourself that freedom, as long as you are alive.
Love and prayers,
Dorsey