I don't know if this will help any, but I once had a relationship with a senior co-worker. It was pretty serious emotionally and the ending was painful. After it was over, we still had to work closely together.

The part that I want to emphasize is that after our relationship was over, we were extremely careful about how we interacted. It was difficult for us to interact at all for a while, so we were very polite and professional with each other.

We continued to work with each other on a daily basis for three more years and nothing else ever happened between us, not even so much as a kiss on the cheek or hand holding.

Keeping our interactions polite and professional was a way to make sure they didn't go anywhere we didn't want them to go and to be able to work with each other productively.

If your wife has a professional job, sometimes childcare expenses can be a valid travel expense. Since the two of you are married, I don't know if this would apply. If you can afford it, and she's going to continue to travel, I'd definitely look for a part-time nanny.

You could also talk to your wife about changing jobs to one with less or no travel. For the two of you to learn to parent her sons together, you really need to both be there. (I'm good at stating the obvious.)

It does sound like all of you could use some professional guidance, too, so I'm going to keep with the tradition of these forums and recommend therapy for all of you.