Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I've read (also don't recall where) that sometimes we feel what we think is erotic transference, but really it's maternal (or paternal) transference. But those feelings are rooted in childhood stuff and can be more intense, so we experience it as sexual attraction, almost as our brain's way of protecting ourselves from that other, more intense stuff (though for you, it could be that the erotic transference is more difficult to deal with than maternal). With my marriage counselor, I thought initially that it was mostly erotic, but from talking to him about it (individually) a couple times, I came to realize that it was more a desire for comfort, security, and closeness, which could be a paternal thing. Like I might think "I want to make love to him," but it might not so much be about the physical/sexual aspect as about feeling an intense connection with someone. So it could be the same for you with your T.
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Lonesome, are you able to elaborate on this? I have wondered from time to time if what I am experiencing for T is not romantic/erotic transference but instead paternal. But the feeling of being esteemed, being honoured (T is very frank in saying how he honours me for the work I do with him), being respected, being trusted (which I have felt as well when, for example, I have projected onto bosses in the past), are all on such an egalitarian level, that it just does not have any flavour of the "paternal" about it - I can't imagine getting that from a father (or from my father in particular). T and I are peers, are colleagues, and are (on one level - not unusual in small towns) friends. So that's why I have a hard time seeing it as paternal, but I certainly get your comment that for you it was about "comfort, security and closeness." There's that there for me too, wanting that as well! Thoughts anyone?