ok T tomorrow... and i surrender. i give up. i cannot spend all my time trying to pick apart the relationship or lack of relationship, or the process or whatever... am i paying $140/hr to do that? i wouldn't pay a mechanic $50 to talk about how he would fix my car., i'd expect him to fix my car right?

but i am finding the concept hard. It means trusting more than i do. i really want to spend more time settling my mind on some things... but my current life issues need to be addressed.

i am in deep sadness and i need his help. DO i accept the rope being extended down into the hole? or do i question the type of rope being used?

i want to need him... and i do need him, but not deeply. Lately though, due to same said circumstances i have been thinking more and more about how the relationship will end... is that what i want? To come to deeply need someone with the full knowledge of it ending?