hi Tiredallthetime

I'm sorry to hear that your dad is an alcoholic. All that can be done for him is to keep praying that he will see the need to start overcoming his addiction. Hopefully you are right. And deep down he does care.

There is the option of approaching the college authorities and explaining that you were grief stricken at the time of your finals and if there are resits you could redo them. But in any case you passed which is the important thing and please God will do so much better in the next exams. Keeping on with your course is the best thing to do. Informing the college authorities that you have depression entitles you to special consideration because that is classified as a disability

I am sorry you had such an abusive stepfather. But what comes around goes around. And that will come back to bite him in time. Have you approached the college authorities for a referral to their counseling service? They could signpost you to a really good therapist to give you good skills to manage depression. Even googling how to manage depression on the Internet brings up some really good information. Have you got good meds for the depression? That can make a big difference with a lot of good therapy, bringing the depression under control and substantially reducing pressure.
Suicide is not the answer. It would really destroy the lives of your loved ones that would never recover from the bad feelings and you really don't want to do that. When you start to feel better you will be able to write stories again. Indeed, some of them might be publishable, which would bring you in a bit of money. Could you become an author? I really hope and pray everything does after much better for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis