I don't know either. But my dear lady, I do have friends who would and do drop everything to be there for me when I really need it. When my back was so bad after 9 days I called a friend who came and got me out of bed and dressed and to the hospital. One night I was barfing and she came and sat with me. When my son had cancer my friends came to bring dinner etc. I still want to be cared for the way I wasn't as a child. Never cherished or nurtured. But I know that can't happen so I am trying to have healthy adult relationships. These friends i am also there for. I have drawn back from one friend because her needs are constant and overwhelming and I give more then I get. I wish for you peace with this. The pain of neglect and torture is still there for me as well.