Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
I disagree with you about what is fair in relationships. There was no need to tell your boyfriend anything about this other guy. If you wanted to end the relationship with your boyfriend because you were not really in love with him. that's fine, but no need to tell him hurtful things. If you wanted to end the relationship with your boyfriend because you wanted to be free to pursue other potential relationships, like with this guy you've been sexting, fine. But, again, no need to tell old boyfriend anything about who might be going to take his place. This idea that sharing all the inner workings of your mind with someone you are in a relationship with is the stand up thing to do is something I don't support. What matters and is relevant to old boyfriend is what you would decide to do about him. I think you should have waited a spell, after you ended the sexting, to decide what you really wanted to do.
This new guy is not all that into you, but he wouldn't mind planting his flag on your bed because . . . oh, well, why not? You're making yourself feel a little better by going with the notion that "It's not that he isn't very interested in me. He just doesn't want to be serious with any girl." That's baloney. That rationale gets used so much to make something seem less insulting than it really is. You simply don't rock his world. He sees no potential to really fall for you, but he figures why should he turn down some free sex, if he can get it.
As you are finding out, we really are not in charge of when we will fall for someone. Neither is he. He hasn't fallen for you because he hasn't fallen for you. But you have fallen for him. He's not a good friend of yours and he's not a good guy. A guy who was your goid friend would not be flirting with you, when he knows he's not really that interested in you. Did he know you were involved with your former boyfriend? If he did, then him encouraging you to be romantically interested in him was really creepy.
If you can't resist the impulse, then go ahead and get intimate with this guy. It will just lead to you getting hurt, but that may be the only way you'll get past your infatuation with him. Then you can move on and be free to find someone with whom the caring will be mutual.
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When I broke up with my boyfriend, I and no intentions of telling him about the other guy. The main reason why I decided to break up with him was because I was not in love with him anymore. I felt we had changed and it was not going to work out in the long term. Especially being away from each other at University and this is what I told him. However, he figured out there was more to the story as I was sad all the time and pushed me for answers and we argued. I told him that I had feelings for another person and that it was unrequited but went into no more detail, I did not tell him anything more than that, nothing about the sexting or anything else. I just felt that knowing the truth, or part of the truth was better than not telling him anything or else he would have been left wondering what had happened yet feeling that there was something there that was not said.
I completely agree with you, not waiting to see if my feelings would pass is a deep regret. At the time I was miserable and could not handle it responsibly or rationally and looking back I wish I had acted differently.
Accepting that this guy is just not into me is particularly tough for me. The way he has treated me especially hurts, I want to believe he is a good person but I know he is not and does not have my best interests at heart. It is moving on that is so difficult for me, it is particularly difficult because we have many mutual friends, so at University I will see him all the time.
Thank you, for your take on things. It was blunt but I needed to hear what I did not want to hear or admit to myself. I need to see the truth instead of making up excuses in my head.