okie - thank you for checking back with me!

i almost made it through the night but eventually caved...then was able to sleep a little bit....i think i feel ok down there....i don't think i've hurt anything...

but i can't go on like this, i know. everyone has been so supportive and everyone's concern for my safety has made me realize how much danger i may be in!!

i do have to go to work this morning...God help me!! but i will really really try to have the nerve to tell my pdoc this afternoon how badly i am struggling and what i am doing...

i don't think i'm ready for work either!! not only the stress from working but i'm scared to death to face my boss!!! i don't think there's too much she can do to me monday morning?? we have staff meetings, etc.....

i will try very hard to tell pdoc today & you're right everyone has been very supportive and not made me feel bad for what i'm doing!

i do definitely need a plan to keep me safe....i'm not feeling very safe right now....i know i can't do this on my own....i know now that i can't wait to tell about what i'm doing to myself because its dangerous...i'm just so tired and scared...

assuming i'm not back in the hospital i'll post this afternoon after my pdoc visit....

thank you everyone for being so caring!! you are helping me through this and i couldn't face all this without your loving support!!