yeah. this year has been odd for me in terms of two events being triggered that i hadn't really experienced much before. the first was something triggering me which led to feeling physically sick and then dissociating and an image coming into my head. it was not like a memory, something more almost like a dream except i was awake. in it, there was four people, two were myself and a friend i had when we were quite young, 5 or 6. there was no scenery, just white. it only lasted a few seconds, but it was completely terrifying. i could not and still cannot make sense of what it was..if it was a memory, a partial memory..or just something my mind threw at me.

the second thing was related to a partial memory i had with no middle part to it. out of nowhere, i heard a female's voice tell me what happened. i only got a little bit more image information from that particular memory, but still no image of what really did happen. when i saw my psychiatrist a month later, i told her what the voice said. she just said that there are different variations of what it said happened, the specific word used, i mean. that just confused me more..and then that was kind of the end of that...but then i was feeling dissociated and heard this quiet voice say, 'i don't know what's wrong with me.' immediately, i almost put my hand over my mouth because i didn't know why that came out. it wasn't 'me.' i DO know what is wrong with me...so to have that come out was just confusing.

there was zero connection to a thought and then what came out as there is when i am not actively dissociating and more 'just' me. so, i do have subtle things happen like that too...but i don't notice it since i'm alone a lot...sometimes it's just with my psychiatrist that i notice smaller things when they aren't outright 'in my face' to speak like they used to be.