I tried that "moral inventory and making amends" stuff from the 12-Step groups. I urge it for my clients all the time and figured I can't be a hypocrite. So I contacted a girl I used to date in college who I treated terribly due to my immaturity, lack of insight and empathy, and my craziness while being unmedicated. I spilled it out and told her how ashamed I have been for many years. Sucks because for those of us with borderline traits, you know exactly the hell you put people through in relationships. There was so much turmoil between us that she didn't make the GPA cutoff for her medical school and had to change careers, and I had to re-do an entire year of undergrad to repair my grades.

I told her how ashamed and guilty I felt. I asked her if she could forgive me and not take it personally, and that I was in so much pain then and so mired in my own problems that I didn't see the hurt I caused others. I explained to her that I had a suicide attempt last year of college and was resuscitated, and that I had a severe mental illness. She had none of it. I did it for peace of mind, but it kind of hurt to not be forgiven. Now I know why my clients have such a hard time with this step. There's a kind of melancholy serenity and acceptance that comes with realizing just how much of a POS you were.