I love your definition, a "slice of comprehension". No, of course, how can we explain such a thing??? I didn't even know such a thing as AS existed until a few years ago. Of course I'd heard of autism, but never considered there was a type that might relate to me.

Now I'm a bit astonished that some psychologist along the way never made the connection. After all, I would end up breaking down & going to one every 4 or 5 years when the pain of depression & panic became unbearable & I'd forget the failures of the past times & think "maybe there is someone out there who can help me?" And how many times did I tell them that I just couldn't seem to understand, just didn't get it, sometimes felt like I didn't even speak the same language as all "those normal people out there"? I think I described the AS symptoms fairly well & repeatedly over the years, now that I understand it better. But not one professional ever put the dots together.

In fact, you said in another post something about not being so sure about an
ADHD diagnosis for yourself. I've had that dx for a number of years, & I do think I must've had it going on as a child, or some aspect of it. But like you, I sometimes wonder how valid that is. When I was absorbed in something as a child I could concentrate for quite a long while & still can, actually. I do get very hyper and antsy & all that ADD stuff, but can't that also be attributed to sheer anxiety over the problems brought on by the AS?

Maybe I've accepted the ADHD dx too easily & need to rethink it. I've tried to explain it to my children a few times. Especially my daughter, who has a 6-yr-old son whom I am very concerned about right now, as he reminds me so much of myself as a child. His parents get so frustrated with him & he reacts negatively, which brings on more frustration, & frankly, I fear for him. He has developed a pattern of yelling everything out of frustration, & his parents' way of looking at it is that he is simply being inappropriate and needs to learn to "use his words" correctly, etc. I don't know, I guess I could go on & on venting about that situation, but mostly I know I need to study, learn, go for that degree & be there for him.

How I tried to explain it to my daughter is that in my head there is something like a big hurricane. Within that hurricane are hundreds of tornados. Within all of those tornados are dozens of smaller whirling dervishes. And amongst ALL of that swirling madness are things like pieces of paper spinning out of control, with words on them. My daily job is snagging those words out of the wind, & it's beyond my control to always get the right ones. Sometimes when people talk to me, their words come out of their mouths and spin right up into one of the whirlwinds in my head, & I can't make heads or tails of them. I have so many ideas going on at once that it takes all my effort to nail anything down to accomplish something. I mean, that's the only way I can explain it to her. She was complaining about how my grandson had been doing well reading for a while, but now can't seem to concentrate on anything & is always spinning off in different directions, so I tried telling her that maybe his head is doing that, too, & he just needs time or a different way of doing things to get those words to settle down & make sense.

StbGuy, thank you so much for your validation, too, about going after a degree. You are so right about knowledge vs wisdom. I honestly don't think I was capable of doing school when I was younger. For one thing, I was in too much pain and too fearful... too afraid of people. Now, I don't feel a need to "prove" anything to anybody. I simply want to accomplish whatever God has put me on this earth to do at this place in life, & know now that almost anything's possible. I simply did not have that when I was young. Sad, but nothing to grieve about. It's just the way it was/is. I only need to be grateful for what it is now.
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