Thank you for your answer kaliope. I have been doing some reading of different posts.

I know the relationship is not working for me right now. I just know that I don't need much and i can't understand how someone who loves me, and I know he does, can act like this towards me.

He is a positive person, unlike me, so I don't think he understands that I need reassurance. It would change so much if he even was willing to be consistent about this instead of running away from me. At times he has the patience to listen to me carefully and those times he cries and says he has taken me for granted and that he has messed up bad etc. But once he moves on to something else he forgets all of what I told him.

We have tried to stop, as himself has said that i "deserve better than him" but it only makes my anxiety worse. I think the fact he has been the person who has unintentionally brought me to the state I'm in today, makes me feel like he should "fix" me.

I feel without this I wouldn't have the closure I need and if I was to leave a relationship that caused me depression, without knowing the person was willing to make efforts, I would feel completely worthless. Even if we were to stop our relationship, I would want to know I was worth the efforts to try to make things better.

He is also the only person who knows about my depression and the only person I've been comfortable enough with to confide in. Of course I love him so it hurts. But I also feel I need him.