Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapsticks
Thank you for your answer kaliope. I have been doing some reading of different posts.
I know the relationship is not working for me right now. I just know that I don't need much and i can't understand how someone who loves me, and I know he does, can act like this towards me.
He is a positive person, unlike me, so I don't think he understands that I need reassurance. It would change so much if he even was willing to be consistent about this instead of running away from me. At times he has the patience to listen to me carefully and those times he cries and says he has taken me for granted and that he has messed up bad etc. But once he moves on to something else he forgets all of what I told him.
We have tried to stop, as himself has said that i "deserve better than him" but it only makes my anxiety worse. I think the fact he has been the person who has unintentionally brought me to the state I'm in today, makes me feel like he should "fix" me.
I feel without this I wouldn't have the closure I need and if I was to leave a relationship that caused me depression, without knowing the person was willing to make efforts, I would feel completely worthless. Even if we were to stop our relationship, I would want to know I was worth the efforts to try to make things better.
He is also the only person who knows about my depression and the only person I've been comfortable enough with to confide in. Of course I love him so it hurts. But I also feel I need him.
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I didn't see your reply, since it posted while I was writing.
It sounds like things are on the way on out. I don't think any relationship is worth the pain that you are feeling. I'm sure it's hard to give up on it, since you have shared so much of yourself with him. Unfortunately, as frustrating as it is, you can't depend on him for closure. You can't determine your worth by his actions either. Sometimes, you just have to cut things off, because you know in your heart things will not work. It has nothing to do with you not being "worth the effort", it has more to do with knowing that you both want different things out of relationship. He may know that he will never be able to give you what you need or "fix" you. It probably frustrates him (as well as yourself) that he doesn't have what it takes to fully make you happy. I'm not a mind reader though. I do feel that taking time to focus on yourself would be beneficial. Like I previously stated, one has to be content with themselves, before they can fully contribute to a healthy relationship. Anyway, I think you really need to evaluate whether staying in this relationship is beneficial for you. If he can't give you what you need, then you need to take a look at that. You can't expect him to "fix" you, since you are the only one capable of doing so. That need probably weighs heavily on him. Btw, I'm not condoning his actions, just trying to shed some light. I'm sorry that this relationship is causing you so much anguish. I've been in your shoes so many times before. It wasn't until I realized that I can't depend on someone else to make me happy that I was able to find any sort of contentment. I also always needed to find out what was wrong with me, in order to get closure from a relationship. However, I've come to realize that it's not just me, it's the relationship as a whole that isn't working. I had to let go of the fact that it doesn't matter what he thinks. Sure it is helpful for processing, but in the end it doesn't really matter. Some people are just not capable of meeting each other's needs no matter how much they love each other.
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