Thank you for your input QuirkyGirl. I understand what you're saying. I know it's not easy for a partner to deal with the other's depression.

I don't have a problem with him seeing his friends per se, but when we argue it's also when I'm struggling bad so it's when I need him the most. So it's hard to see him shut me off like this.

Also he has a habit of talking negatively about me to others in those moments, because he's mad. It has caused difficulties with some people in his family who just want him to leave me and who have ended up making hurtful comments.

These things are what give me so much anxiety when he leaves, I'm scared that when he comes back, I will learn that he has called or seen this person or another and talked bad about me or us.

I wouldn't ask much if he had met me like this. But I was a happy and healthy person when we met. And the events HE has put me through are what have triggered my depression. Because of that, I expect a bit more from him. I want him to take responsibility and fix his own damage. I've tried my best to forget things that I've endured, but I can't do it without him helping me out in the way.

I also know you are totally right about not being dependent on one's validation to feel good. I'm trying to work on that.