I am a straight, married mother. I have been seeing my therapist for about five years. Originally I brought my children to see her and she met with all of them and then told me that she would like me to see her instead of my children. She was absolutely right. My children are amazing. I grew up pretty rough and I was being triggered by my children's ages because they were all the exact ages that I was when the worst things in my childhood happened. I was shocked at first and honestly it took me about two years to even start to open up. Five years in and I have recently been opening up even more about stuff that I have never said out loud before. We had a bit of unique circumstances in the beginning I guess because we saw each other often outside of my appointments during cultural events. Then she had a bunch of family stuff come up and she switched offices and didn't want to leave me hanging for 6 months while she sorted it all out so we met up outside every week for six months and she never charged me for that. Recently, like the last 2 months, she started hugging me at the end of our hour. Those hugs have triggered something so deep in me and I'm really confused. I'm not attracted to women at all but I find myself feeling so drawn to her. She loaned me a book and I couldn't stop smelling it because it smelled like her perfume. When she texts me or emails me my heart starts pounding. Last week when we had a heat wave she wore a summer dress and it rode up and exposed her thigh, I could barely concentrate. This week she stood right next to me and bent forward to pack up some books we were using and her blouse opened up, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her breasts. I keep telling her about my sex life and including every single detail, almost like I am trying to prove to her....or myself....that I like men. I find myself fantasizing about her which is really messing with my head. When I think it all the way through I would never have a physical relationship with her. I am happily married and I have never and will never be unfaithful. I also know that if things went that way my relationship with her would be ruined. But I can't get her out of my head. Am I losing my mind? What is this??

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk