Thank you for your message divine. I know I need to go see a doctor. I work in the psychiatric field on diagnostic tools and antipsychotics so it's very awkward for me to act as a hcp all day everyday and then switch roles.

I see things differently as far as my boyfriend is concerned.
If in a relationship one partner cheats on the other, it's going to create a lot of issues that the cheating partner will have to "fix". Making sure they show they are sorry, building trust again etc. whether the other partner develops clinical depression following this doesn't change the efforts to be made by the cheating partner.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I never thought that putting a name on what I have would change anything about what I want from him. I just want the reassurance regarding all the issues I have since the events and all the reminders, nightmares, thoughts etc.

I will make the effort of seeing someone though. And see if it changes anything with my boyfriend.