TheLifeFantastic

That you are holding on is the really important thing. It takes great courage perseverance and true grit to do that. And you should feel good about this because it is so difficult to do in spite of all the great obstacles you have to encounter.
Since we cannot wind back the clock. Unfortunately the time that has gone past cannot be recaptured. But you can move forward.
We do have to take the risk of trusting people otherwise making friends would be impossible. Please God you will find good people to trust. And you will win with the determination to put every effort you can into getting better and reaching your goals. If it happens again. What got you well in the first place will do it for you. Every time. People do encounter setbacks and it is important to identify why this happens so that it can be avoided in the future. And your coping strategies will bring you back from setbacks again.
It is sad to see people you saw as mountains collapse before you. It could be that having never experienced depression. They don't understand it and didn't know how to help or because they simply were not the mountains. They seemed to be. Indeed, there is no doubt that with persistent unrelenting effort you will win. I really hope and pray you do. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis