Hi divine1966,

the exact last topic was that he didn't tell me that he could not keep an agreement that we had anymore. Our relationship is complicated and we have very different lives. I am constantly trying to find agreements with him to bring some stability and consistency into our relationship, but it doesn't seem to work. He is a musician and first I was very skeptical because of that. He told me that his music was just a hobby, because he also goes to university and to work quite a bit. By now it has turned out that the music is EVERYTHING. He accepts way more gigs than he agreed to, but doesn't tell me about it. (we had the agreement that one gig per month is okay for us both).

He seems to be torn between his lives and all the things he wants. I try my best to support his interests, but it is hard for me and I don't get enough of the fuzzy relationship stuff that I need. I don't live in his scene and his friends don't seem to like me very much, even though I tried to be open and cool about everything. I tried to explain to him that I need more stability in our relationship, and mostly that I need him to be honest with me. I know that he is afraid to lose me, so he tries to somehow work his way around me without telling me the uncomfortable things. (Like that he accepted three gigs more than he promised me, without talking to me). I just find these things out by accident or when he starts acting strange. That is what makes me so mad, that he makes agreements with me but then breaks them without talking to me because he is too afraid.
I know I sound silly and maybe mean, but I am actually trying very hard to make things good. I am getting very stressed out by these things I feel that I should maybe let it go so that he can pursue his career and do whatever he wants, but he also wouldn't accept that and in fact I don't want to lose him either