I am not sure if people can give me any useful thoughts here. I have tried to post on other forums and felt like it didn't help any ..

Anyway, I have dated this woman for 10 years who is 8 years older than me who I will call Crissy. During that time I had also dated some other women, but only really two others for any length of time. I am in my early 50's

I am not saying I advocate dating different women at the same time, but I find myself in this situation because something about Crissy I like alot or can't seem to let go of. She is very nice and not pushy or critical. She does not get angry at me the way alot of women may do at odd times. She is old fashioned
and not hard to please. She is not demanding, she is very sensitive. She is easy to cheer up. When her mother died, I spent alot of time helping her feel better by trying to get her to look at life a certain way which was mostly from alot of spiritual books I read. She liked what I said quite a bit and it helped us develop a connection. I have not hidden from her that I have dated other women, though we don't discuss it alot.

The difficult part is that I don't find her very physically attractive and she does not seem especially sensual in terms of kissing and all. We hold hands, hug and kiss in a non sexual way so it is like we are friends. I am not especially sexually active compared to alot of men probably anyway. I was also influenced by tantrism, yoga and asceticism to some extent