Thank you so much for your reply!! This really hit the nail on the head for me! I get so overwhelmed from all my pain and all the associated emotions and responses. I am trying to learn to act on them as opposed having completely reactionary responses. However, time and time again, I find myself having these knee-jerk reactions you just described and I feel so out of control! It's such a bizarre thing; I hate the pain I feel and just want to make it stop no matter the cost but then I usually AM a very empathetic person and I feel very deeply. At the same time, though, when I'm hurt, I both turn my negativity inward and strike out at others.... usually with venom.... and then, when the smoke finally clears I have many amends to make or I have completely destroyed yet another relationship.

I actually have both BPD and Bipolar Disorder which work against me intensifying my emotions as well as the unpredictability at which I feel them. I am on meds and have been in and out of therapy for years. I think I'm in the midst of a mixed episode right now, actually. I had an argument yesterday with my adult daughter and words were said, feelings were hurt, I ended up shutting myself off in the basement and locking the door. I just laid on the floor in the fetal position shaking, rocking, crying and screaming it out for awhile. I feel like a total *** now.....as I am the mother and supposedly an adult, but I can't handle my emotions. I guess this is one reason why I love my heavy metal music. It helps me scream my angst out. Hehe....