I’ve been depressed and suicidal for most of my life, and the current human condition is the source of my depression. I usually feel like I’m trapped and drowning in a sea of undesirable information, and the only way out is death. The miniscule amount of optimism that I have is derived from the possibility that I may get to experience the privilege of temporarily escaping or transcending the current human condition because of futuristic technologies like full immersion virtual reality, genetic and cybernetic enhancements, and artificial (general / super) intelligence.

We seem to be living in a world where mental health professionals are indoctrinated to ignore everything that is wrong with our societies, and only focus on things like genetic predispositions and chemical imbalances. It’s obvious that injuries and abnormalities of the brain or endocrine system can cause depressive symptoms. But most psychiatrists and psychologists are ignoring the fact that it is perfectly normal to be depressed in a world where most of the people at the top of our social hierarchies are continuously embracing a culture of misery that promotes logical fallacies, tribal conflicts, and extreme inequality.

I would describe my misanthropy as an absence of love for the current human condition instead of describing it as hatred. I do experience some thoughts and emotions that could be described as contempt, anger, or rage when I think about the human race, but the rational analytical part of my brain usually does a good job of keeping my emotions in check. My philosophical beliefs and prefrontal cortex is currently keeping me out of a grave or prison, but they aren’t doing anything to help with my pursuit of happiness.

You could say that I am making a conscious choice not to punish myself by trying to have an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings, and not have persistent negative thoughts about humanity. But I don’t think any of us are really choosing to do the things we do. I think we’re living in a deterministic universe and our general concept of free will is an illusion or misperception that is derived a neurological feedback loop. Life can basically be described as the acquisition of energy and propagation of information or an emotional rollercoaster ride that we don’t get to choose. We are all just being done, and free will is a product of pattern recognition or an awareness of the deterministic ebb and flows of the emotional roller coaster or environmental patterns.

My philosophical beliefs are part of my hell because I feel like I’m trapped in a hellish deterministic program that is called the human condition. My misanthropy is a process that began when I was 2 years of age, or from the moment I started to become self-aware. But the depression didn’t begin until I was aware of the fact that this world is not conducive to my well-being, and happiness is basically an illusion or misperception of control, or a measure of how well your genetics and social programming is in alignment with your environment.

I feel like I’m not half the person that I could be, a quarter of the person that I could have been, and a tenth of the person that I would like to be. A world that would be conducive to well-being would be significantly different than our current conditions, but I’m a realist and a pessimist. With the way our culture and technology is evolving, the best escape that I can probably hope for is a peaceful death in the form of an assisted suicide service like Dignitas. I even hate the fact that I have to be careful about what I write about suicide because of our primitive fear of loss and archaic interpretations of religious text. Any civilized society should offer its citizens a peaceful escape from a hellish existence, especially if we’re not willing or capable of creating the social conditions that can allow most of us to achieve optimal states of wellness.

I can’t help but feel like starting this thread was a complete waste of time, but hopefully I’ll have some good conversations with people that share some of my desires or worldviews.