T, once again I can't/don't want to sleep. Instead I stay up watching a movie that reminds me uncannily of her, and of losing her. The two of us can't talk to each other anymore. Our relationship is withering and dying after so many years. She was the constant in my life, the one thing that I could always count on being there. If even this is not permanent, nothing good in the world can be.

I have lived so many lives. I took nothing from them that ever lasted. I missed the things that were important and my punishment is to watch them all parade past me as though I didn't exist. All those years, everything I did, none of it mattered. The sadness and anger are permanent. Nothing else is.

I keep returning to your picture online. You are more beautiful than I imagined and I was foolish not to see it from the very beginning. You won't be permanent in my life either. I will have to say goodbye to you just as I always had to with everyone else. My memories seem less real to me as time goes on. Everything I ever knew, it was just my imagination.