Dear Pdoc

Tomorrow I see you again. I feel anxious. My body can't calm down. Buy my mind is tired, tired of thinking of you. Tired of fantasizing about you. I fantasize about being with you, cuddling with you, kissing you, sex with you. But I also fantasize about our appoinment. About being in de room with you, sitting across from you. And just talking to you. But talking to you as my psychiatrist. I would want to really talk to you. I think it would be nice. You seem like a person with who it would be nice to talk to. But you're not my T, only my pdoc. Our appoinments are short. You just for the meds. I feel like I can't say much to you. I don't know. I have had two pdoc's in the past and they didn't ask much. It was just like ''take this meds and **** off''. So, I feel like a pdoc is just for the meds and not really for talking. Like I should keep a distance. But whatever, it doesn't matter. I can't talk to you. My mind goes blank when I'm with you and I don't get a word out of my mouth.
Is it weird that I imagine conversations with you? I feel like I would rather admit to you that I fantasize about having sex with you than admitting that I have whole conversations with you in my mind.