Does anybody else on this forum struggle with intimacy issues? My libido is almost non-existent. I can't blame medication side effects because I'm not on any. I had this problem in my first marriage, and it did a lot of damage to our relationship and to my self-esteem as a woman. I don't know how much of it is biological and how much of it is emotional.

After the birth of my 3rd child and being pushed into having a tubal ligation, I just wasn't interested in sex anymore. I would accommodate my husband's needs, but I was never in the mood, in fact, deep down, the idea of it just made my skin crawl. By the time we divorced, I was 47 and I thought of myself as "dried up" and done with that part of my life. BUT... I began dating and had my first sexual experience and it was like the heavens opened up. I could not get enough sex and one boyfriend was not enough to keep up with my sexual drive. By the time I met my 2nd husband, I had a "stable" of four regular sexual partners and frequented two online dating services. This lasted about 6 months and then I crashed and burned. I was diagnosed with BPII and placed an a mood stabilizer and an AD. My sex drive still had some life in it for the first couple years of my new marriage, and then, it was over, like someone hit the off switch. That was three years ago.

My husband is 64 years old and struggles with E.D., but being with a younger woman who was so sexual active in the beginning aroused his imagination and put "fuel in the tank". Over time, his E.D. became an issue and my own urges subsided. I was ready and willing to move into the companionship phase of our relationship; I thought that's what he wanted, too, but every few months he raises the issue, except it's my fault, we're not having sex. I tell him I will accommodate date him anytime, just let me know, but that's not good enough. He wants me in the mood and initiating it, not taking into consideration that he probably wouldn't be able to follow though which would frustrate him and make him feel like a failure as a man. He Just sees it as a lack of love on my part. When we have this conversation I end up feeling like a failure as a wife and a woman. I tell him to just leave me and find another woman who can give him what he needs, and I just want the earth to open and swallow me. It triggers depression and self-hatred for days. In fact, it just happened a couple of days ago, and I feel like ****. He's always sorry afterwards, but he just doesn't get why this hurts me so much.