I used to be a very clean, tidy guy before the onset of schizophrenia. I would constantly bathe, clean my place, wash my clothes and brush my teeth. Like many people in the early twenties, I would set up goals for myself and not follow through when something that required a lesser delay of gratification came my way.

I became increasingly paranoid from 19 to 24 until finally suffering a psychotic breakdown at 25.

I began to let myself go. I stopped bathing, stopped dieting, and can honestly say I smelled like a port-a-pottie. Aside from the foul smell, I was very distrustful and lashed out at those around me. I became a completely different person.

Every now and then, I look my ex up on Facebook. I know he has another profile, but he keeps the one I hacked to mock me. He still has a picture of us on it for that purpose. He sarcastically poked fun at me for smelling bad and being ingenuine. What I hate the most is how you turned people I would obssess about against me. Did he truly believe I was a danger to anyone? Perhaps. I did obssess about other people. I always have. It is painful to have someone spicifically get the object of my obssession and turn it against me. To not be able to be mad at someone privately, even if my anger was unsound to others. It is never about making sense of anger or obsession. For me, it was doing what I had to do to get through it without compromising the person of my obsession`s life. Now, I don`t even get to do that anymore. My one coping mechanism taken away.