i hate being needy. i want to be able to rely on myself for this. i don't want to speak this fear. i really don't want to hear you say "why do you always want to find something wrong with you" because that's not what this is. it's a legitimate fear (to me) and i know exactly and precisely why it started when it did and why it is growing and it is not me wanting to find something wrong with me. you're wrong about that anyway in the first damn place, i don't WANT to find things wrong with me, but I want to figure out why I act like I do, so if there is something wrong, then I can find it and FIX it. Get it? Augh. Is it thursday yet?!