Skin's peeled, a hollow feel, that was gonna make me kneel

On the wheel of fortune, rather, was a life of a routlette

Suicide, homicide, enough to rows of penguins to kill,

seals to howl 'n kill, no pills to chill

Up on a hill, what a lone man was gone do?

Brain that's sealed up, eating up inside, messed up

'less I pour a gasoline over it and lit, it won't shut up,

put up and fed up, shook up and stewed up,

this pot ain't gonna spew though,

Monin' cuppa, no suppa, no papa

Spit hard, **** hard, I see no pit to stop

y'all swallow the cherry unpitted,

I'd betta suit up so Niked up cheetah won't catch up.



(Me as a critic, this doesn't capture anything what really happened last night, the sick face in the mirror, the fight to catch up with my own breath, like there was no enough oxygen in the air, breathing hard, the coffee in my stomach wasn't going away, it felt like my whole body was arrested, not functioning properly.

Lots of horrible things happen in this reality, and some horrendous things can be expressed as an art sometimes, murdering with words and images, why is this an entertainment for me? I do not know. I thought last night maybe I was just bored, nobody really kills farm animals around me for food, and I always wanted to see/do/learn that.

And ,,,about the skinning cat part in previous post, it was about my former pdoc, the rumour has it that she's a cat woman, I was angry about the culture of her office, that is like a fast food culture, always pen and pads ready to feed me pills, never really listened to me, I was angry.

And I'm into Yelawolf right now, that dude is dope! HIs voice is like a switchblades and of course, slaughterhouse has been chopping up my brain with lyrical hatchet, meat cleaver among many weapons.

Seemingly successful and normal dudes come up with these dope lines, and they are so good at doing business, producing, and selling records. Raw talent, that's what they call it. Royce, most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. King Crooked, oh he's so good, Abbacadabra, he's like a magician casting a spell on me, I need to snort philosophy and smoke science like he does. Dre and Fiddy, I haven't listened much of their records, but I like their smiles, and the muscles! Why can't I have a body like that?

And of course there's M&M. I watched his new video, it is still like meh at this point, that Gyllenhaal movie trailer killed it, I felt too cynical, I used to watch any films that came out but Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams? Noooo thank you.

I was reading this thread in BP forum yesterday, 'what do you miss?', guess for me, it's watching films on my computer, I don't have a huge screen or anything but used to love doing that. I don't miss my old self at all though, that's just not the way for anyone to live IMHO, someone there said that some of the posts seemed depressing, anything could be depressing when my mind's out of whack, there was this discarded candy wrapper on my keyboard yesterday, that depressed me, man.

Yesterday, I also came across this 'Are ya happy/content?' type of thread, again, I won't be asking that to myself, longevity, the legacy to myself that last till I become fossil fuel, I'm not saying that I'm doing anything great in my real life, but I can still dream about that, get rich die tryin for my brain, pushing myself to wise up. I'm still floating and that is enough. Just SEND!
)