all the things that have been happening lately have brought up so many memories of my two friends who were brothers who killed themselves...one of them right in front of me. even though one had raped me, i still think about the good times we had before he did that. i feel like all this grief and regret and worthlessness is taking me over. i havent been very functional and i dont want to end up in the hospital again. i really need some support right now.