Hey Savingme and welcome to PC!

Relationships are certainly work but they shouldn't be too hard. I truly believe you are right in that your feelings of low self esteem may be contributing to your problems here. Being depressed takes a huge toll in that department. As a result it's like climbing up an impossibly steep mountain to gain it back.

I have been through some weight gain and as a result, low self esteem as well. I had always been petite in height and weight my whole life until I began taking my current meds. It's an unfortunate side effect that a lot of those taking the kinds of meds I do have dealt with. Putting on an initial 30 lbs in the span of a few months was a huge ordeal. My thighs grew stretch marks and my favorite clothes didn't fit me any more. I felt gross and downright monsterous.

I struggled deeply with this. Sometimes going days without eating very much. However, I realized my self esteem was more deeply rooted than my newly gained weight problems. After taking time to think it over, I realized I hadn't allowed myself the chance to indulge in feeling good about what parts of me I always loved. It's a long complicated story as to why and the faith I was raised on played a huge part, so I won't get into it. I don't want to write a huge wall of text.

Basically, I am suggesting you relearn the act of loving yourself through simple baby steps like I am. For example, I really like my hair and love to grow it out as long as possible and donate it to Locks of Love. Being a red head, I guess my hair will make some lovely young girl in need very happy.

What can you see in yourself that you like right now? Your hair, like me? Your fingernails (their length, thickness or even any nail polish on them)? Try thinking of things you like about yourself and writing them down every day in a journal or notebook. You don't have to make an extensive list, just 4 or 5 things a day to start of with. You'll be more than surprised how effective that can be.

I also suggest seeking out therapy. Either individual or couples therapy, or even both. This can help with a number of things including your physical intimacy issues.

I wish you luck in your relationship and hope you can overcome this hurdle together. It will make you that much closer and only serve to strengthen your deep loving bond.