Dear Pdoc

This afternoon. I want to see you. I don't want to see you. I want to talk to you. I don't want to tell anything to you. I want to ignore you. I want to yell at you. I want to smile at you.
I'm such a confusing mess. I don't really know what I want. I mean, I know what I desire, I know what's probably better for me, I know what I feel... This is all in disagreement with eachother.
So much anxiety. My heart is beating so fast. It already started yesterday. I can't get my heart to calm down. My mind is sort of calm, but my body...
I wish I could talk to you. But everything that comes out of my mouth sounds so stupid and makes me feel like I'm a dumb, whining idiot.