I've been struggling my way through depression for the last 10 months or so. And by struggling, I mean suffering. It's ridiculous how bad this can feel.
When it came along, before it came along, my life was seemingly perfect. I had an amazing boyfriend, a job I loved, surrounded by family, living out of home. Everything was going great. I was, on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down. Or so I thought.
I'm not sure what has caused my depression. What triggered it. All I know, is all those things that once made my life fantastic, they now just bring me down.
I've been seeing a psychologist since the beginning of May on a weekly basis. I like her, she's kind and caring which is always helpful. But, it's proven to be a lot more difficult than I ever expected it to be. I've spent my life trying to hide all my emotions from everyone, so trying to talk to her, is crazy hard. The second last session that I had with her, I experienced a panic attack. But I didn't let it show. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced and I then spent the whole next session trying to tell her what happened. We spent the full hour just trying to get me to say it, but it never happened. I ended up emailing her..
I've been on an antidepressant for over 10 weeks now, as far as I'm concerned, it is doing NOTHING!!
I don't know what the point in this post was. I guess I'm just frustrated. Trying to find my way through this.. I donno. Nothing helps. I want so badly to be able to give up. Ugh. Anyway.