Thanks everybody for replying. I really appreciate it!

Things are so different for me now. I can feel the younger parts crying and feeling separation pain. I hate this feeling and was SO WISHING I had moved past this stage. I can't stand the feeling of hurting when my therapist is gone for 2-3 weeks. It feels like torture. For the first 1-1/2 weeks or so, I was fine. I didn't miss her or hurt at all. But now, it has been too long. Now all the sad ones are forcing their way into my mind and I can feel their pain in my heart. I don't want to!!!

I know it's based on my past with my mom, but when it gets triggered with my therapist, it feels just as bad as it used to. I DON'T WANT to feel how those other ones are feeling! I don't want to feel their sadness and pain. I can't tolerate it. I didn't want this to happen again!

I don't want to feel attached to my therapist anymore. She can't ever be my mom. She can't ever love me how I want her to. She can only give me 1 hour a week of her time and attention, and it is paid for anyway. She will never love me. I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want to be aware of how this feels.

I know I am supposed to learn to be my own parent. But I don't feel capable of it. I don't love myself or them. They don't trust me either. To them, I feel like a babysitter. Someone they have to put up with but they would rather have my therapist be there for them. And I am afraid of them. . .afraid of how they think and feel. They get into me and then they make me feel sad and scared, and miss my therapist too. They ruin my feeling of being capable and in control. They scare me.

I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't know if I can continue therapy. It has already been several years. There is something wrong with me that I can't parent myself. There's something wrong with me that I need my therapist this much. I hate being this way and I can't help it. I don't want to NEED anybody!