there is nothing wrong with you. some people just havent learned what and how to self parent (in some locations this is called self nurturing\grounding\relaxing)

when I get overwhelmed my self parenting tools include breathing, rowing my canoe on the lake, taking a walk.

Sometimes in the thick of it I dont remember I am capable of self parenting (self nurturing \ grounding \ breathing \ relaxing) I come on here and read my posts that I have wrote. what I have posted in threads and replies to others is evidence that I do know how to self parent and even includes examples of how I do that in my posts and suggestions to others. its amazing what we post to others with out realizing we can use our own advice to others to help ourselves. I once told my therapist I didnt know how to parent myself. her response was to put out my file and read off a list of things I am able to do for myself....

take a bath, take a shower, cooked Ziti last night, cleaned and decorated her new house, bought new clothes, did some gardening work in the back yard, takes medication correctly, follows treatment plans, bought herself a new blanket to use when not feeling well, went canoeing, participated in take back the night march\rally, reschedules appointments when needed, comes to sessions with appropriate attire and hygiene....

then she asked me an important question....if I dont know how to self parent then how am I able to do all that? If I dont know how to self parent then how do I know what to suggest when making posts. A person who doesnt know how to parent their self would not know all these things to suggest to others and would not have these things to talk about in therapy..mos tif not all people who are unable to care for their self either have aids to bath, cook and clean for them and tell them when to do things like take their medications, its time to go to the bathroom now, its time to take your walk now... or they are residential programs that can help them do that if they have a working sense of how to take care of their self or they are in state mental hospitals when hospital staff take care of them and tell them what to do...

At that moment i stopped saying I didnt know how to parent myself. I did, no one had to tell me when to bath, when to use the bathroom, when to get up, when to sleep when to take my meds...

I realized instead it was a situation of in the thick of emotions I wasnt....thinking about my parenting skills of how to take care of me. during emotional overwhelming times I was instead expecting others to take care of me.

I had to refocus my thoughts...use what I was learning in therapy. whats the use of therapy if I wasnt going to use what I was learning.

I stopped using the word cant and started using the word ok I....feel....like I dont know how to do this but I...know... I can. the evidence is that I do not have a home aid and am not locked up in some mental hospital where others have to do this for me... breath, breath again, breath again, now time to do some grounding, I am going to take a walk to the store and back, at the store I am going to buy some more milk, bread and my favorite shower gel. when I get home i will put the bread and milk away then go take a shower. ok we have a parenting plan now to follow through with doing it, here I go....

I bet if you read some of your past posts you will see many examples of how you parent yourself. when your therapist comes back you can also ask her to look in your file and talk about the ways you have in the past talked about how you self parent. maybe you can make an emergency list to post somewhere in your house on things you can do to parent yourself when these emotions get the best of you. Somewhere here on psych central there is a self parenting (grounding\self nurturing ) list I think it may be in the PTSD forum sticky lists that may also help you to remember you are not helpless or that something is wrong with you. maybe you can come on here to psych central and read other peoples posts. sometimes they help me in the thick of overwhelming emotions too....