Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapsticks
I have no one I talk to and open up to except for my boyfriend, and even though he is able to help me I feel like everyday he doesn't make the efforts to make sure that whatever he does doesn't is not something that could hurt me.
I've done a lot of hurting since I met him 3 years ago which is why I have depression today. I also know that my depression has hurt him because of the times I have been so angry at him for hurting me so bad. But I have been devoted to him all the way.
Because of my mood swings, our relationship is a yoyo. And because he doesn't want to deal with my over-sensitivities and my irritability, the past couple months he has just left me and ignored me for few days. We don't live together, so it's very easy for him to shut me off. He just doesn't answer any calls or messages. No matter how hard I try he disappears like I don't exist.
And on top of the fact it really hurts me that he's gonna act that way, I wish he would actually spend that time alone and upset like me so that I know he actually cares and that it's hurting him too not to talk to me but I always learn afterwards all the things he did, all the people he talked to etc while I'm totally abandoned. He knows that while he leave me alone I don't talk to anyone because I have tried talking to a few others about my situation and it didn't go well nor helped me.
When he comes back to me, I'm even more hurt. How can a man who loves me know that I'm in total distress and leave me behind to go have fun or live his own life like if I don't exist?
Every time he comes back I feel worse and worse for this reason and because he keeps leaving me like this I get bad anxiety about what he's doing while ignoring me.
Has anyone been in a similar situation or been in my boyfriends shoes?
Because I don't know how to stop this vicious circle.
I've asked my boyfriend to be the one making the extra efforts to help us because I feel already so overwhelmed with dealing with myself that it's hard for me to give to him. ESP when he is so associated with the cause of my pain.
I know that when I'm angry because I hurt I need the reassurance and instead of that he gets defensive and the arguments start... It never ends  |
I am going to state some hard truth here. The fact is that it is very difficult for a person to be a good partner to someone who is, themselves, unable to be a good partner for them.
This has been going on for 3 years. So, it's not as though there hasn't been any effort put into it. He has likely reached his limit. I do not support the way he's handling it though. If he has reached his own limit, he needs to move on rather than coming in and out of your life like he does. He may care about you, but simply doesn't have the capacity anymore to be a supportive partner and he knows it. It serves no one's benefit to stick with it.
That being said, it appears you too have been sticking with this at your own expense. You cannot even begin the process of recovery for yourself while you are bogged down in a dysfunctional relationship. If you remove this cloud that's hanging over you, you may be in a better position to see things clearly and get a handle on your depression and mood swings, etc.
I would at least suggest a relationship break with a set time limit. In other words, in order for you both to be able to think clearly, work on some things for yourselves and re-evaluate the relationship, take a period of day 30 days where there is no contact or at least very light contact. It is very difficult to think and talk about a situation that is "in your face". Each of you take a step back for a while to break the cycle you are in. If the connection is strong enough, it will survive. If not, that will tell you something as well.