dear T

is my magical thinking a delusion? i know that its weird and bizarre... so what does that mean? you told me to read this chapter in that book and its about intervening with delusions. i am curious about if what i am doing is delusional. you said this is the first time i have been willing to work on it since we've worked together. which has been 5 yrs now. you said it was too threatening. i said it felt impossible. i think its both. to give up the control i think i have on reality. but yet i know too that i dont have control and this thing is wreaking havoc on me emotionally and mentally. sooo i am ready to let go. but it seems like a long process... i am trying i really am. i DO want to stop. really. i guess i just want an easy, fast fix!!!

me